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Sugar and spice are supposed to be nice, but Clausthaler made them naughty. (No, not in a good way.)
Santa Clausthaler non-alcoholic beer
Clausthaler (Frankfurt, Germany)
TheBestNA.com rating: 44 POINTS (and a lump of coal)
ABV: <0.5%
Style: Fruit / flavored beer cocktail
With a few days before Christmas, the six pack was hard not to add to my cart. It felt special to see a purely seasonal non-alcoholic beer on the shelf. It had little images of Santa Claus! It had a cute name! And in big block letters, the package declared: “HOLIDAY BREW!”
This, it turns out, isn’t the whole truth. Santa Clausthaler isn’t really an NA beer so much as an NA beer cocktail.
Unawares, I sat down with Mrs. NA to a nice barbecue pork chop dinner. We toasted, took a sip, and shot each other the same worried look: what in the hell?
We were expecting some dry addition of specialty hops or something. Nothing had prepared us to be bombarded with sugar and spice.
“Maybe let’s try these after dinner,” I said, my tongue still whimpering from the sensation akin to shoving a tablespoon of dry ground cinnamon into my mouth.
After dinner, with time to investigate more closely, I found some answers in smaller print on the rear label.
Santa Clausthaler is made with 50% NA beer and 50% “cranberry cinnamon drink.”
One should take care not to confuse “cranberry cinnamon drink” for something based on cranberry or cinnamon: They are not actually ingredients. Really, we’re talking about sugar water with added “natural flavor” to give the sensation of strong cinnamon and fruit.
Regular readers know I’m not personally fond of fruity NA beer, though I have awarded some of our highest marks to those that are executed well. Santa Clausthaler is not.
It drinks more like a mass-produced cider than a beer. There’s some vague, fruity quality that’s supposed to be cranberry, but the added sugar overpowered it. Not sugar that reminds you of a fine craft soda so much as sugar that reminds you of bottom-shelf schnapps.
So essentially what we have here is NASTY fruity cinnamon syrup, with Clausthaler NA beer blended in 1:1 to cut it. Which is a blessing, really. I shudder to think what the “cranberry cinnamon drink” tastes like at 100% strength. (“Krampusthaler,” anyone?)
Having enjoyed other Clausthaler NA brews in the past, this one bombed hard. Perhaps it’s no surprise that as of this posting, Clausthaler omits this offering from the product lineup on its US website.
Mrs. NA poured hers out before me. I poured mine out after struggling through half a glass.
TheBestNA Rating
44 POINTS (and a lump of coal)
This NA is a fail.
I wish I hadn’t bought it. I found Santa Clausthaler pretty much undrinkable. It left an aftertaste of regret that lingered for hours.
The beverage gets 44 points. The too-vague description on the packaging also gets Clausthaler a lump of coal. Santa’s watching, you know.
If you’re looking for a good fruity beer for the holidays, try the Rasberry Gose by Bravus instead.
Santa Clausthaler Non-Alcoholic Beer (0.5% ABV)
